Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline: The 7 Basic Skills for Turning Conflict into Cooperation
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Your job as a parent is to strengthen, not break, your child’s will. That will has a vital role to play in ensuring his safety and the fulfillment of his potential… His will can give him the strength to choose healthy foods…. It can empower him to refuse dangerous drugs and peers… Your child’s will can only serve him if it is left strong and whole, not if it is weak or broken.” Blanket Volleyball Materials: A towel or baby blanket and a balloon or a soft ball. Preparation and Instructions: Hold two ends of the blanket and have the child hold the other two ends. The Game: Place a ball or balloon in the middle of the blanket. On a signal given by you, you and the child toss the ball into the air and catch it in the blanket. Use visual signals, such as “When I blink my eyes, it means go.” Use auditory signals, such as “1, 2, 3, go!” You may also say that the signal is a word, such as “alligator.” Then you would say, “Always, apple, alligator.” Auditory and word signals help the child learn to listen. To structure this game: Clearly state the goal of the game. “Our goal is to work together to toss the ball and catch it. We can count how many times we are able to do so. Clearly give a signal: “The signal to begin the game will be ‘ready, set, go.’” To ensure that the child waits for the signal and is successful, do not put the ball on the blanket until just before the signal to go.” This is seriously the best parenting book I’ve ever read. It has taken me almost a year to work through this relatively slim book, but I found I needed to take time with each chapter to fully absorb it. (I took notes and made flash cards for myself — I’m a nerd, I know). It also has taken me that amount of time to actually put into practice these parenting techniques.
The parenting strategy outlined in this book is Loving Guidance. It emphasizes self control and mindfulness. And it reminded me of Siegel and Payne’s works in many themes.Danielle: “NO, NOOOOO! I don’t want her to use my markers!!” “Gooo away GABI!” she practically spits out. Gabi ratchets her displeasure up a notch.
Focusing on self-control and confidence-building for both parent and child, Dr. Bailey teaches a series of linked skills to help families move from turmoil to tranquility: I'm still reading the book. it is a lot to implement so I'm going slowly. I still like it and am having good results from her advice. the cheat sheets are helpful; I need to rearrange them, though, because some I see a lot and now I don't even notice. I need to buy my own copy of this book, though; I hate having a neighbor-friend's book for so long.... :) Oh, sure, easy to say, not so easy to implement. Trying to stop a tornado with a broom seems more realistic than staying calm in the face of a two-year-old holding his breath and turning blue because he can't have a piece of candy at the grocery store. Though our first impulse might be to yell, take away privileges,or even spank, Bailey suggests we must develop seven basic skills of discipline that teach our children values, such as integrity, respect and cooperation.If I asked you to teach a class in nuclear physics, could you do it? Probably not. Could you teach your child how to pole-vault? Again, probably not. You cannot teach what you do not know. This does mean he doesn't melt down. Or that I have stopped yelling. Because people, he's three. And so he's going to melt down. And I'm high strung and too easily upset. So when he doesn't listen I still yell. We are not perfect in this house, but you know what, it is helping. There is a bit more peace here. And I'm so grateful for that. Because most of my parenting energy went right to him and I always fear that someday my girls will say I spent all my time on him and they didn't get enough. This is getting better by the day though. Imagine telling your child one time to take a shower—and him actually marching off to do it! Imagine promising yourself to either conquer your clutter, or to relax about it—and then keeping your promise. This book will help you realize these possibilituies and many, many others.
Lots of reminders to use deep breaths for calming. This made me think of mindfulness. It also made me miss my yoga class. (Thanks, Covid-19) Such awareness wasn't so prevalent when our parents were raising us, but times have undeniably changed. We cannot ignore the ways our own behavior is reflected in our children's; therefore, it is of the utmost importance that parents stay in control of their own emotions and actions. If we holler and throw a fit when our spouse doesn't do want we want, we can expect our child to display the same behavior when he or she is denied access to his or her own desires. In essence, our children are our mirrors -- their behavior reflects our own. "If you want your children to change, you must begin by becoming a wonderfully loving adult," Bailey writes. "You must rely on love, not fear, to motivate yourself and your children." Wish people well silently while in public places and notice how this changes my attitude toward them.Now, I also have to tell you, prior to this book I pretty much wrote off all parenting books (and yes, I did just write about a parenting book that I also thought was a good read - but that felt different because it wasn't a book about the day to day grind and trying to discipline your kids, ya know?). Anyway, I have read a few parenting books in my day, I have tried them out (after hearing other rave about them) and they have not worked for me, in my house, with my kids. And I had given up on all of them. Life, clearly was not that easy and I needed to forge my own path with my kids and do what felt right for us.